SCENE 5
INT – FRANCOPHILE PARLOR
(ALGORE, JIMMY)
ALGORE RUNS OFF THROUGH THE CASTLE DOWN TO THE VERY LARGE DOOR AND OPENS IT DRAMATICALLY. STANDING THERE IS JIMMY, WITH THE CAR RUG DRAPED AROUND HIS NECK LIKE A CAPE AND A GLASS CIRCLE IN HIS EYE LIKE A MONOCLE. HE IS POSING (EXTREMLEY POORLY) AS AN ENGLISH NOBLE.
ALGORE
Yes?
JIMMY
(in a hesitant, faux British accent)
Hello. I am Jim...er, rather, James, the...Earl of, uh, Warren.
ALGORE
The Earl of Warren? At my master's very door! Fantastic! What can I do for you, Earl?
JIMMY
Yes, well, I am not here for pleasure. In fact, I am here as a sort of menial job. I need to...inspect all the screwdrivers in the land.
ALGORE
Screwdriver? Oh, yes!
ALGORE REACHES INTO A FLOWERPOT AND PULLS OUT A SCREWDRIVER. HE HANDS IT TO JIMMY.
ALGORE
There you are, oh venerable Earl of Warren. Will that be all?
JIMMY
Ah, no, I will also require the use of your rest facilities.
ALGORE
Oh, we haven't got any of those. We're a clean house here.
JIMMY
Er, no, that is, I mean, a bathroom.
ALGORE
I apologize, Earl, but I don't understand your high English. I am just a lowly hunchback.
JIMMY STARES AT ALGORE’S BACK, NOTING BOTH HUMPS.
JIMMY
(regular voice)
Quasimodo! I didn't know it was you! Amazing! What made you leave Notre Dame?
ALGORE
I'm not Quasimodo.
JIMMY
It's all right, Quasimodo. I won't tell anyone. You know, I went to Notre Dame. Just tell me where your bathroom is.
ALGORE
Bath…room? Oh, you mean the pisser. It's in that general direction.
ALGORE POINTS IN A GENERAL DIRECTION. JIMMY SHAKES HIS HAND.
JIMMY
Thanks, Quasimodo!
ALGORE
You can let yourself out.
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