SCENE 34
INT – UFO GALLEY
(FRANCOPHILE, ALGORE)
FRANCOPHILE FINISHES SCOOPING WHAT IS LEFT OF ELVIS’S BRAIN INTO ALGORE’S HALF EMPTY BRAIN CAVITY. HE FLIPS ALGORE’S SKULL LID BACK INTO PLACE AND PRESSES IT DOWN. THE BRAIN CAVITY IS TOO CRAMMED WITH BRAINS TO STAY DOWN. HE TRIES A FEW MORE TIMES, THEN GRABS A BOTTLE OF ELMER’S GLUE AND THE SKULL STAYS PUT. HE KNEELS DOWN AND TAKES ALGORE’S HAND TENDERLY IN HIS OWN.
FRANCOPHILE
Come on, King, I know you’re in there somewhere. Fight Algore. His personality is weak. Use your boundless charisma to overpower him!
ALGORE’S EYES FLUTTER OPEN.
ALGORE
Master…?
FRANCOPHILE SLAPS ALGORE HARD.
FRANCOPHILE
No, stupid, stop fighting!
ALGORE
Master…
FRANCOPHILE
Yes, it’s me, your master. I command you to let Elvis take over!
ALGORE STANDS UP, SPINS AROUND, AND MAGICALLY IS DRESSED LIKE LATE ‘70S FAT ELVIS, REPLETE WITH HARICUT AND WHITE SEQUINED POLYESTER. HE IS NOW ALVIS.
ALVIS
You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog
FRANCOPHILE
Oh, you never died in my heart, Elvis!
ALVIS
Hold on there, baby.
ALVIS SLICKS HIS HAIR BACK.
ALVIS
It’s Alvis now.
FRANCOPHILE
Eh, close enough.
SUDDENLY THE UFO SHAKES, AND POORLY CONSTRUCTED LIGHT FIXTURES FALL FROM THE CEILING.
ALVIS
What was that?
FRANCOPHILE
Hell if I know.
EXT – VILLAGE – CONTINUOUS
(BORIS)
BORIS, NOW MASSIVE BEYOND REASONING, GRABS THE UFO WITH HIS TWO FRONT LEGS.
BORIS
Canned meat! Boris will feast! Tasty little flies!
BORIS SLAMS THE UFO TO THE GROUND, SMASHING IT INTO THE BLACKSMITH’S SHOP.
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