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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Terrifying Revenge of the B-Movie!!!: Scene 41

SCENE 41

EXT – TOWN
(ALL)

SARIA TROMPS INTO TOWN. SHE WALKS BY THE BLACKSMITH’S SHOP.

BLACKSMITH

Now you two stand there and you count those hammers until you’ve paid off your debt to me.

ZORBON

Two! There are two hammers!

BLACKSMITH

All right. Now do that 24 million more times.

ZANDAR

Eh. It’s a living.

BORIS SKITTERS BY OUTSIDE.

BORIS

Boris is small again!

JIMMY SMASHES BORIS WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER AS HE WALKS INTO TOWN. HE HANDS THE SLEDGEHAMMER AND THE METAL MASK TO THE BLACKSMITH AS HE WALKS BY.

JIMMY

Thanks for the loaner.

BLACKSMITH

Anything for the Earl of Warren.

JIMMY

Yeah, about that…eh, nevermind.

SARIA RUNS UP TO ALGORE AND HUGS HIM.

SARIA

Oh, Algore I was afraid we would never get to go on our date, which, as you’ll recall, is the reason I came here in the first place.

ALGORE

Yes, of course, how could I forget a plot point like that.

PEASANT #3

God-damned metahumor.

NOBLE

I mean, it’s not even clever anymore. It’s been done to death.

PEASANT #3

That’s what I’m saying.

ALGORE

Well, shall we go?

SARIA

Of course.

ALGORE AND SARIA START TO WALK OFF.

FRANCOPHILE

Wait a minute.

SARIA AND ALGORE TURN BACK.

FRANCOPHILE

Algore, I…I know I can be cruel to you sometimes. Call you names. Draw crude images on your hump while you’re sleeping. Send you on errands that you have no way of completing…

ALGORE

I get it, sir, you’re quite an awful master.

FRANCOPHILE

But…these past few days I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to create a hideous freak to become a true mad scientist. The truth is…I’ve had a hideous freak by my side all along. Algore…you complete me.

ALGORE

I love you, master!

FRANCOPHILE

I…also…you…affection.

ALGORE AND FRANCOPHILE EMBRACE. ALGORE PICKS FRANCOPHILE UP AND THEY WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET. SARIA TURNS AND LOOKS BACK AT THE ASSEMBLED CROWD.

SARIA

Well, anybody want to go on a date?

SUDDENLY, JEFFREY MANSON GACY EXPLODES OUT OF THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO. HE RUSHES TOWARDS SARIA WITH HIS KNIFE. THE HIDEOUS FREAK LEAPS INTO ACTION AND WRESTLES GACY TO THE GROUND BEFORE RIPPING OUT HIS SPINE.

SARIA

Oh, aren’t you a sweet monster? How would you like to go out?

THE FREAK LOOKS DISGUSTED AND SHAKES IT’S HEAD. IT WALKS UP TO THE NOBLE. THE FREAK GRABS THE NOBLE AND WALKS OFF INTO THE SUNSET JUST LIKE ALGORE AND FRANCOPHILE DID.

SARIA

It seems like there’s someone for everyone. Sigh.

PEASANT #3

Did she just say “sigh?” Did she meant to actually just sigh?

JIMMY

Shut up you idiots and clear out of here.

PEASANT #1

Yeah, good point, maybe we’d better clear out of our own town. Come on, everybody, some stranger is telling us to leave our ancestral homes. Better hop to out.

JIMMY

Well, will you just go home, then? I’m trying to score here.

PEASANT #2

Ah, say no more, say no more.

THE CROWD DISPERSES. JIMMY TURNS TO SARIA AT LONG LAST.

JIMMY

Well, how about it? Would you care to go out with me as a last resort?

SARIA

No, not especially.

SARIA STARTS TO WALK OFF. THE HOBO WALKS UP TO JIMMY.

HOBO

Well, I’ll go out with you, son. Alls I needs is a place to put my bindle.

JIMMY LOOKS AROUND, PONDERING.

JIMMY

Eh, what the hell.

THE HOBO KISSES JIMMY ON THE CHEEK AND THEY WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER. IN THE DISTANCE THE SILHOUETTES OF THE OTHER TWO “LOVELY COUPLES” CAN BE SEEN.

THE END???

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