Branding

Let's talk about your brand.  It's important to have a brand, especially as an author or a small business owner (which, as an author, you essentially are.)  So here are three tips to having an effective brand:

1.)  You need to be watching "The Godfather."  You need to be watching "On the Waterfront."  And, yes, you even need to suck it up and watch "The Island of Dr. Moreau."  Brando should be an important part of your brand.

2.)  Every morning (and yes, I mean every morning, god damn it) you need to wake up and pour a big bowl of cereal.  You can top it with milk, sprinkle raisins on it, slice up a banana and stick it in there; I don't care.  Bran needs to be a part of your brand.

3.)  The third part of the trifecta may be difficult to run down, but most registered tattoo parlors and skin scarification centers will be able to point you in the right direction.  You're going to need a red hot cow poker, yes, but the most important part is that you have a qualified professional to hold it.  Don't just run down to the nearest farm and ask Rancher Bill to burn you, because he probably won't do it right, and there's aftercare involved.  Just remember that the most important part of your brand is your actual brand.

So there you have it folks: the three keys to mastering your brand.