How a Man Should Act

So, the New York Times published a stupid fucking article by a writer named Brian Lombardi about how men are supposed to act.  What's stupid about this article is not that it contains broad advice that might apply across the spectrum of 200 million human beings who happen to have dicks in this country, let alone 3.5 billion across the world, but that it broke down what I presume to be Lombardi's individual personal idiosyncrasies and presented them as universally correct.  This includes obvious matters of taste, like music (Wu-Tang Klan), movies (Michael Mann), and his daughter's taste in breakfast (apple doughnuts.)  Stupid.

Then in response Mike Rowe, who I think is a television host or something, penned this stupid fucking Facebook post refuting pretty much every point Lombardi made and then replacing them with his own individual personal idiosyncrasies!  You see, Rowe prefers steel-toed boots to Oxfords, renting movies to owning, and whiskey to soda because obviously pure unadulterated testosterone flows through his veins in place of blood.  Equally as stupid.

I am now in the position of being stupider for having read something, two somethings, in fact, which is not a position I like to put myself in.  I am hoping that at least one or both of these gentlemen wrote their lists ironically, with the point being feel free to be your fucking self, but if so, that point was left unclear.  And since I have allowed myself to be drawn into this moronic train of thought on this lovely autumnal morning, I have decided to set the record straight once and for all, with my own list about how a man should act.  Consider this the final word on the matter:

1.  Act however you want to act.  Define your own life, because no one else is going to hoe this row for you.

(Oh, by the way, you can feel free to follow that advice even if you're not a man.)

QED, motherfuckers.