KillerCon Austin 2018 Autopsy

Howdy, y'all!

I just got back from Austin, TX, and boy are my arms tired.

Sorry, I know I'm destroying you all with my groundbreaking comedy, but I'm just so giddy after the weekend I just had.  As you know from reading my blog (you do read my blog, right - well, I guess that's a bit of a non sequitur since you're certainly reading it now) I spent last weekend at the resurrected KillerCon.

I'm going to talk a little bit about the convention now but I want to preface this piece by saying that I met and hung out with a lot of really cool people at this convention.  So many, in fact, that this could easily just turn into a list of cool people, which will be terribly boring for the average reader.  So I'm going to try to refrain from naming names as much as possible to keep this blogpost somewhat manageable.  If I don't mention you, it's not because I dislike or forgot about you.

My girlfriend and I started out on Friday morning with a scare as we nearly didn't make it onto our flight from Harrisburg to Washington, D.C.  Security at MDT that day decided that we both needed to be frisked and have our bags searched for some reason, and lines were long considering it was a 6:00 am flight.  But we did make it to the venue after that with relatively little issue.  And a good thing, too, because my first panel was at 1:00 pm local time.

My first (and, come to think of it, only) panel was "What the Hell?" about mythology in horror.  I was the moderator and Wrath James White (also the founder and runner of KillerCon) was on it, as well as Brian Asman, who I met for the first time.  Brian specified that he was not the famous balloon artist Brian Asman, but just some other Brian Asman, which was particularly hilarious because my girlfriend actually is a balloon artist.  So now I suppose we'll be looking up Brian Asman videos, but not the guy we both know from the con.

The person who was not there was Gabino Iglesias, who you may also know as a contributor to my group blog.  However, a few hours later I did finally get to meet Gabino. 

My girlfriend and I spent that evening at the hotel bar, which was where I met so many people that it caused me to write that preface up there.  We laughed and talked well into the evening and had a delightful time. 

The next morning we had to get up early because there was a mass signing at 10:00 am.  I was a bit unsure what to do for this convention.  Normally I drive to conventions so when I don't have a table I tend to bring a trunk full of books, then carry around five or ten in my backpack, and replace them as necessary.  When I have a table, I usually just bring all the boxes in.

So this time I was flying in and I figured I would bring about ten books total and just sell out when I sold out.  Or not.  Whatever. 

So I sat down at the mass signing and within 45 minutes I had sold out of all my books and taken selfies with several fans.  Genuine fans.  My girlfriend was incredibly impressed.

At 3:00 pm, Brian Keene invited me and John Wayne Comunale to do mini-readings during his reading to help fill up the hour.  I did "This Reading is Going to Suck," my new go-to.  John Wayne did an amazing rendition from his new work SCUMMER.  Let me tell you, this is an author to watch, folks.  His prose is strong, his story was fascinating, and his delivery was on point.  Brian finished up with a couple of killer pieces that gave me some ideas for audience interactivity in the future. 

At 8:00 pm came the centerpiece of the event: The Splatterpunk Awards.  I was nominated for one for best novel for THE HEMATOPHAGES.  The award ended up going to WHITE TRASH GOTHIC by Edward Lee, the towering godfather of the genre, thus righting a wrong for someone who has not received an award for his work in 35 years of writing the most extreme horror in the field.

So, I was a little bit disappointed.  A lot of people asked me throughout the day if I was nervous, but the truth is I wasn't.  That's not some kind of "too cool for school" attitude.  I just wasn't terribly.  If I won, I knew what I wanted to say and who I wanted to thank.  But if I didn't win, it wasn't the end of the world.  The way I see it, if I've been nominated for an industry award after just five years of publishing, I must be doing all right.  If it takes me another thirty years to win, then I'll be doing exactly as well as the master of extreme horror, right?

So, all in all, I felt a slight pinch when my name wasn't announced, but no worse than giving blood.  Besides, I figured I'd have a second chance to win an industry award that night when I entered the Deadite Press Gross-Out Contest.  Now, those of you who read my blog (you do read my blog, don't you?) know that I won the 2016 Gross-Out Contest at the last World Horror Convention.  I was a bit worried about entering this year as well.  2016 was a blast, and legends like Jeff Strand and Jack Ketchum entered, and my drunken, wide-eyed acceptance speech will always be one of my greatest memories.

But at KillerCon I was facing down a veritable bevy of bizarros.  Now, what you have to know about bizarro authors is that they take a different attitude towards readings than us straight horror types.  Bizarro readings are more like performance art, and often feature props, dadaism, audience participation, and skits.  In a circumstance like the Gross-Out Contest, all of those things are strong advantages.

However, I don't wear those sorts of things well.  I'm happy to do a little bit of pantomime, but for the most part I just worry about writing a really good, targeted piece and performing it well.  This year's entry was "Everybody Poops.  Especially Godzilla."  (Which, if you're very good little boys and girls, I'll share with you on Wednesday.)

As the contest started, all my fears were realized.  A couple of horror authors presented some strong entries, and the bizarros were even stronger.  Then Michael Allen Rose began reading a gut-busting novelization of "Two Girls, One Cup," culminating in him pulling our old friend John Wayne Comunale on stage and both feeding each other Snickers bars.  I was sure I was toast.  

There was nothing for it but sheer, true grit.  (Yeah, you thought I wouldn't pull that one out, didn't you, John Wayne?)  So I dug down deep and gave my best rendition ever.  And it tore the house down.  Still, I was pretty sure I was just going to get second place.  But I won!

Making me a two-time Gross-Out Contest winner!  The winner and still champion!

But wait!  There's more!

Immediately after the contest, Deadite Press hosted a party.  I got to have a long, great conversation with Bev Vincent, however I think he was much more charmed by my girlfriend than me.  However, both accused me of making their drinks too strong.  So I guess I got Bev drunk.

Then I finally got to tick something off my bucket list.  I met Carlton Mellick III!

I'm pretty sure I made a complete ass of myself, so this will probably be the last picture I get with him, but I'm still gobsmacked it happened.  I got to tell him how much "Lemon Knives and Cockroaches" influenced me (check out THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO if you don't believe me.)

We had to head out pretty early Sunday morning to make it home.  But all in all, KillerCon was an amazing time, intimate and large and definitely an event not to miss.  Hope to see you all there next year!