The Lamest Number of All Time

Pff.  Twenty-eight.  What a lameass number.  I won't even dignify it by expressing it numerically.  Thank God I waited to write this post until February 29th (a far superior day to the previous, I will have you know, a magical day, in fact, that only occurs once every four years.)

In addition to being the LEAST number of days in a month, twenty-eight is a game played in the COMMUNIST Indian province of Kerala.  Communism itself being inherently lame, it's clear that any game played in a communist area would be lame.  And speaking of red things, well, let's just say that there's a certain red thing that every lady gets, you want to guess how often?  Every twenty-eight days!  How's that for vile conincidence?

Not to mention that twenty-eight is the number used by Quebecois witches in their fanciful Canadian witch rituals (or "witchuals" as I sometimes call them.)  Or what about the neo-Nazi association with twenty-eight?  That's right.  2 (B) + 8(H) = Blood and Honor in simple alphabet code.  It's not even a good code!  Stupid Nazis and their stupid Nazi numbers.

I say it's time we banned usage of the damnable number twenty-eight.  It's only 5 more than the worst movie ever made.  Not to mention that the cruel and wicked game of dominoes (have you ever heard somebody say "they stood like a set of dominoes?") contains...you guessed it...TWENTY-EIGHT dominoes.

It is with all this in mind that Congressman Bartlett and I are co-sponsoring a bill to ban this accursed number from common discourse in these United States of ours.  I hope we can all count on your support.  Sic semper viginti octo!