Monday, September 19, 2011
I think we all know what today is...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Public Service Announcement: Ending BJ's Reign of Terror
As you know, we here at Manuscripts Burn are nothing if not concerned citizens. So, in the interests of the public welfare, we are going to do our part to help stamp out one of the great cancers of modern society.
No, not cancer.
Billy Joel.
To that end, kids are sometimes interested in "experimenting" with new drugs and/or solo puss-rock icons. You may have seen a county fair with "beer goggles" that you can wear and then drive really funny in a golf cart like you're drunk. The premise behind this is that it will encourage kids to not drink. With that in mind, you can consider this post the Billy Joel equivalent of county fair beer goggles (a sentence which has almost certainly never before been written.)
Parents, rather than let your kids listen to an LP or even a 45 of one of BJ's greatest hits, just let them peruse this helpful summary. They can get all the flavor of Billy Joel's songwriting without any of the nasty after-effects of actually listening to one of his songs.
1.) Scenes From an Italian Restaurant - Two burgeoning alcoholics talk about how shitty their lives are.
2.) Piano Man - I, Billy Joel, am far too good for this bar I'm playing in, and all of my fans are morons who will never amount to anything.
3.) Allentown - Fuck Allentown.
4.) Captain Jack - God, you're a disgusting druggy. All of my fans are disgusting druggies who I, Billy Joel, personally despise. (P.S. You'll never amount to anything.)
5.) Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) - Oh, you think you can do better for yourself? Fuck you. Learn to love your shitty lot in life.
6.) The Entertainer - My fans are still assholes who won't go anywhere in life, but at least I don't have to work in that godawful piano bar anymore.
7.) It's Still Rock and Roll To Me - All music that is not Billy Joel music sucks.
8.) She's Always a Woman to Me - I also hate my wife.
9.) You May Be Right - Fuck you, you're not right. I, Billy Joel, am clearly right.
10.) We Didn't Start the Fire - Everything that has happened since 1949 has explicitly revolved around me, Billy Joel.
11.) Big Shot - You think you're better than me? NO ONE is better than me. Ass.
No, not cancer.
Billy Joel.
To that end, kids are sometimes interested in "experimenting" with new drugs and/or solo puss-rock icons. You may have seen a county fair with "beer goggles" that you can wear and then drive really funny in a golf cart like you're drunk. The premise behind this is that it will encourage kids to not drink. With that in mind, you can consider this post the Billy Joel equivalent of county fair beer goggles (a sentence which has almost certainly never before been written.)
Parents, rather than let your kids listen to an LP or even a 45 of one of BJ's greatest hits, just let them peruse this helpful summary. They can get all the flavor of Billy Joel's songwriting without any of the nasty after-effects of actually listening to one of his songs.
1.) Scenes From an Italian Restaurant - Two burgeoning alcoholics talk about how shitty their lives are.
2.) Piano Man - I, Billy Joel, am far too good for this bar I'm playing in, and all of my fans are morons who will never amount to anything.
3.) Allentown - Fuck Allentown.
4.) Captain Jack - God, you're a disgusting druggy. All of my fans are disgusting druggies who I, Billy Joel, personally despise. (P.S. You'll never amount to anything.)
5.) Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) - Oh, you think you can do better for yourself? Fuck you. Learn to love your shitty lot in life.
6.) The Entertainer - My fans are still assholes who won't go anywhere in life, but at least I don't have to work in that godawful piano bar anymore.
7.) It's Still Rock and Roll To Me - All music that is not Billy Joel music sucks.
8.) She's Always a Woman to Me - I also hate my wife.
9.) You May Be Right - Fuck you, you're not right. I, Billy Joel, am clearly right.
10.) We Didn't Start the Fire - Everything that has happened since 1949 has explicitly revolved around me, Billy Joel.
11.) Big Shot - You think you're better than me? NO ONE is better than me. Ass.