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"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

God-damned gopher

I'll tell you what I hate most about this stupid pseudo-holiday. And it's not that it's a stupid tradition. Frankly, most traditions are flat out stupid. Shaking hands is probably more dangerous and meaningless than Groundhog's Day.

It's not even that this custom is easily verifiable/falsifiable and, to my knowledge, no one has ever bothered to check whether there is any correlation between a ground rodent seeing his shadow on a certain day and the weather that follows. Which, incidentally, any historian or weatherman could probably figure out with a few hours of research. Or perhaps this is a mission for The Mythbusters! But that doesn't really bother me either, because selective memory is the very essence of superstition. You only remember that you're carrying a 4 leaf clover on a lucky day, never on an unlucky day.

But I digress multiple times. What bothers me about this holiday is that the whistle pig is about the most boring animal I could possible imagine. Now if they had a bunch of guys go up there and force, say, a badger out of a birdhouse, I'd pay good money to see that. It would be like a whole new level of awesome. They'd have to come up with a new system, like, "If three of the town elders survive, there will be four more weeks of winter, but if six survive and only one is mauled, then spring comes in six days." And so on.

Happy St. Badger's Day.

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