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Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Lamest Number of All Time

Pff.  Twenty-eight.  What a lameass number.  I won't even dignify it by expressing it numerically.  Thank God I waited to write this post until February 29th (a far superior day to the previous, I will have you know, a magical day, in fact, that only occurs once every four years.)

In addition to being the LEAST number of days in a month, twenty-eight is a game played in the COMMUNIST Indian province of Kerala.  Communism itself being inherently lame, it's clear that any game played in a communist area would be lame.  And speaking of red things, well, let's just say that there's a certain red thing that every lady gets, you want to guess how often?  Every twenty-eight days!  How's that for vile conincidence?

Not to mention that twenty-eight is the number used by Quebecois witches in their fanciful Canadian witch rituals (or "witchuals" as I sometimes call them.)  Or what about the neo-Nazi association with twenty-eight?  That's right.  2 (B) + 8(H) = Blood and Honor in simple alphabet code.  It's not even a good code!  Stupid Nazis and their stupid Nazi numbers.

I say it's time we banned usage of the damnable number twenty-eight.  It's only 5 more than the worst movie ever made.  Not to mention that the cruel and wicked game of dominoes (have you ever heard somebody say "they stood like a set of dominoes?") guessed it...TWENTY-EIGHT dominoes.

It is with all this in mind that Congressman Bartlett and I are co-sponsoring a bill to ban this accursed number from common discourse in these United States of ours.  I hope we can all count on your support.  Sic semper viginti octo!

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