Manuscripts Burn


"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Monday, August 10, 2015

The Scale of Overratedness

If you spend any period of time on the internet, you'll find people unnecessarily excited about truly undeserving things.  Usually this amounts to a cat video which you can simply scroll past, but what about the times when you're just not sure whether something is worth your time to look at/discuss/experience or not?

Never fear, gentle reader, Manuscripts Burn is here with the solution!  I hereby present to you a helpful scale by which to measure how overrated something is:

As you can see, this scale is based on 1 full Amy Schumer and is divided into one hundred equal units or "centiSchumers." Now in the future you can easily mark how overrated something you or someone else is sharing by simply commenting "0 centiSchumers" (Louie C.K.) or "50 centiSchumers" ("The Boondock Saints.")

0 - Johnny Cash:  Since his death the Man in Black has been overhyped, overexposed, and has been the victim of more fair weather fans since his death than you can shake a Ring of Fire at.  And he absolutely delivers in every regard.  A genuine icon who led a hardscrabble life, a veteran with a social conscience and the music to put everyone else in their place. 

25 - "Doctor Who":  I've been a "Doctor Who" diehard since 2005, well before most of you Tennant fans clambered aboard the bandwagon, so I say this with all the love in the world: Shut.  The fuck.  Up.  About it.

40 - Norman Reedus: Norman Reedus actually seems like a nice guy, and not a terrible actor.  His portrayal of Daryl Dixon in "The Walking Dead" TV show - a character who didn't appear in the comics - was actually kind of a breath of fresh air.  The rest of it is hot air.

60 - Bacon: When deep-fried to a crisp, this garbage part of the pig makes an acceptable garnish.  The fact that there is now bacon-flavored vodka is a result of the meat industry astroturfing a campaign to raise the price of pork bellies.  And you fell for it.

75 - Key and Peele: Basically, they're the Amy Schumers of comedy.

90 - "Firefly": This marginally serviceable network TV show was cancelled 13 years ago.  Fans whined about it enough to get a movie.  Now the internet is riddled with moaning and rending of stupid orange hats.

100 - Amy Schumer: I actually watched Amy Schumer's 2012 comedy special.  It was kinda funny, I guess.  Now she's on the cover of "Glamour" and there seems to be an entire cottage industry dedicated to shoving her down the public's throat.  Maybe we could just let that happen organically, you know?  Or maybe not.


You can even test it out right now if you like.  How overrated was this post?  Let me know with a numerical mark and a point of comparison in the comments below!

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