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Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Monday, February 14, 2011

10 Reasons why She's All That is the Greatest Movie Ever Made

Since, incredibly, I couldn't find an extant link for all the reasons why She's All That (German Title: Eine Wie Keine) is the greatest movie ever made, I have been forced to make my own. Thanks a lot, internet. You were supposed to have everything on you!

10. It Was The Nineties - Come on! The boom times! The Clinton Years! Ol' Post-Eighties! How can you even think about this decade and not think, "Damn, were we ever on a collision course for hell but didn't know it. At least we enjoyed the ride!"

9. Rachael Leigh Cook - This was the actress that was in it.

8. She Learned That She Was Beautiful on the Inside - See, most movies, including the infinitely inferior She's All That knockoff Just Go With It only emphasize beauty if it's on the outside. In She's All That Laney learned that, although she was also incredibly physically attractive, it was her artiness and refusal to accept society's conventions that made her truly "hot." Take that, society!

7. The Dad - Oh, my God, the dad was hilarious. It was, like, Kevin Spacey or somebody. And he spent the whole movie walking around answering the wrong answers to Jeopardy! questions. Like, totally wrong answers. Like, I can't really think of an example right now, but it would be something like:

Q: This is a movie about a teen beauty queen from 1999.

A: Raging Bull!

Hilarious! That schtick never gets old.

6. Hackey-Sack! - Oh my God, remember the Nineties? When there were Furbies on every corner and George W. Bush was still just an incompetent baseball referee? They also had hackey-sacks back then (although I'm sure all you stoners out there still do, am I right, fellas?) So Freddy Prince, Junior spent like twenty minutes of the run-time of the movie free-associating with a hackey-sack. It was like poetry in motion. Even better than the 2010 Canadian Winter Olympics Opening thing with the smash poetry. Ten times better, in fact, and eleven years earlier.

5. The Raging Boner I Still Have From That "Walking Down the Stairs" Scene - Am I right, guys? Am I right? See, most girls, when they take off their glasses, they look like that. There, I just solved the problem of self esteem in women. In fact:

4. Solving All the Problems of Self-Esteem in Women - This movie? Come on! Since 1999, can you name even one problem that women have had with their self-esteem? Coincidence? I think not.

3. Freddy Prince, Jr.? - Was that the guy? I don't really remember. But it's not important. What is important is that Laney made him look like an ass. Take that, possibly Freddy Prince Jr.!

2. Or Was It Tom Green? - I'm certain Tom Green was in a movie called Freddy Got Fingered. Maybe they're related?

1. The Taco Hat - She definitely worked at this fast food place, and it might have been like, falafael or something, but she had to wear it as a hat. Hilarious! Best part of the movie, right there.


  1. Hackey-sacks. That made my afternoon. Also, it was Prinze. Freddie Prinze, Jr.
    90s rule!

    1. Oh, you're right. Freddie Prince, Jr. is the new royal baby.


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