Manuscripts Burn


"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Friday, May 18, 2012

Why I Hate Bangs Redux: Why Everyone Should Hate Bangs

Seriously?  Fucking seriously?
Have you googled "I hate bangs" lately?  I do every day, of course.  You may be happy to know that your favorite scrivener is the number two result.

As for what's going on in the above photo, I have to assume that someone, possibly his publicist, turned to Justin Timberline and said, "Hey, you know what you should do, Timb-line."  (In this scenario, the publicist calls Justin Timberlake "Timb-line."  Anyway, he continues, "You know what you should do, Just-blin?  Why don't you scarf up one of the sexiest women in the world, and just ugly her up real good.  Stick her in a plastic Wonderbread sack and, oh, you know what?  Give her one of those haircuts that just makes everyone look like shit.  Then YOU'LL look even better BY COMPARISON!!!"

And so the Timbster did. 

Oh, incidentally, here's a follow-up question to the initial question that I never asked.

Q:  What could possibly make a latex-sheathed Malin Akerman look bad?

"What do you think we should do now that we've completely changed her costume from the comic book, Mr. Snyder?"
"Eh, you know, just ugly up her face a bit.  It'll be a nice contrast with the hotness of her body.  No one will know what the hell they're looking at."


  1. Seriously hilarious!
    If I EVER considered bangs, you have dutifully disuaded me!

    Thank you!

    1. This is one of those fashions that I'm hoping will go away soon. Like Crocs. Or Snap Bracelets.

  2. Bangs on little girls: people think it's cute.
    Bangs on Adults: No. Just. NO.


    1. You, sir and/or madam, have the wisdom of a lama. I salute you. And thanks for reading.


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