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SCENE 18
INT – FRANCOPHILE’S GARAGE
(FRANCOPHILE, ALGORE, FANTASY CHIHUAHUA, FANTASY PIG)
ALGORE HAS A HUGE SACK. THERE ARE ROWS AND ROWS OF MEDICAL INSTRUMENTS, VIALS, AND BEAKERS FULL OF CHEMICALS ON THE SHELVES. FRANCOPHILE HAS A CHECKLIST. AS FRANCOPHILE CALLS OFF THE CHECKLIST, ALGORE THROWS THE ITEMS INTO HIS SACK AND FRANCOPHILE CHECKS IT OFF.
FRANCOPHILE
Sodium disaccharide.
ALGORE
Check!
FRANCOPHILE
The bones of a dead marmoset.
ALGORE
Check!
FRANCOPHILE
My bring-the-dead-back-to-life formula.
ALGORE
Check and check.
FRANCOPHILE
Two cockroaches in heat.
ALGORE
Check.
FRANCOPHILE
Enlarging formula.
ALGORE
Che...oh, wait. I left that in the bathroom.
FRANCOPHILE
What were you doing with my enlarging formula in the bathroom?
ALGORE
Well, you know, even nature needs a little help sometimes.
FRANCOPHILE
Oh, that's perverted! You were using my monstrous creations to advance your own sex life?
ALGORE
Well, I do have a hot date tonight.
FRANCOPHILE
With who?
ALGORE
She's very pretty.
FRANCOPHILE
Your idea of pretty, no doubt.
FRANCOPHILE PICTURES ALGORE’S IDEA OF PRETTY. HE SEES ALGORE DRESSED UP, DOING A WALTZ WITH A PIG IN A MINISKIRT. A CHIHUAHUA WALKS UP AND TAPS THE PIG ON THE SHOULDER.
CHIHUAHUA
Mind if I cut in?
PIG
No, go right ahead.
ALGORE AND THE CHIHUAHUA BEGIN TO SLOW DANCE. FRANCOPHILE SUDDENLY SNAPS OUT OF THE FANTASY WHEN HE NOTICES ALGORE IS MIDWAY THROUGH A SENTENCE.
ALGORE
...Ria.
FRANCOPHILE
What?
ALGORE
I said, her name is Unnecessaria. Unnecessaria Teeyanay.
FRANCOPHILE
Oh, forget about it. I do not want to hear about my hunchback's love life. We've got enough of the necessities of life now. Although we really shouldn't let the enlarging formula get into the wrong hands…
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