Manuscripts Burn


MANUSCRIPTS BURN

"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm Splatterpunk Award-winning horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The San Man Cometh: A Play In One Act

Here's the transcript of an actual conversation which occurred at former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum's Puerto Rican Election Headquarters recently:

Rick Santorum:   I'm tiiiiired of people making fun of my name! Make it go away! Make it go away!

Campaign Manager:   What, the Google problem? There's...nothing we can really do about that. We have freedom of speech in this country.

RS:   Fix it. FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT...

CM:   Okay, okay! Jesus Christ, Rick! Um...we could...shut down the whole internet, I guess? Of course, that would cost millions of jobs...

RS:   Good enough! Do it! Problem solved. Goodbye big government, hello Santorum!

CM:   Um...or...also...and I'm just brainstorming here...we could ban all pornography? I guess that would cost...fewer...jobs. Still hundreds of thousands, though.

RS:   Boom. Done. Ban pornography. Then people can't make fun of my name anymore! Yaaaaay! Time to go play with my dead baby puppet!

FIN
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