Pff. Twenty-eight. What a lameass number. I won't even dignify it by expressing it numerically. Thank God I waited to write this post until February 29th (a far superior day to the previous, I will have you know, a magical day, in fact, that only occurs once every four years.)
In addition to being the LEAST number of days in a month, twenty-eight is a game played in the COMMUNIST Indian province of Kerala. Communism itself being inherently lame, it's clear that any game played in a communist area would be lame. And speaking of red things, well, let's just say that there's a certain red thing that every lady gets, you want to guess how often? Every twenty-eight days! How's that for vile conincidence?
Not to mention that twenty-eight is the number used by Quebecois witches in their fanciful Canadian witch rituals (or "witchuals" as I sometimes call them.) Or what about the neo-Nazi association with twenty-eight? That's right. 2 (B) + 8(H) = Blood and Honor in simple alphabet code. It's not even a good code! Stupid Nazis and their stupid Nazi numbers.
I say it's time we banned usage of the damnable number twenty-eight. It's only 5 more than the worst movie ever made. Not to mention that the cruel and wicked game of dominoes (have you ever heard somebody say "they stood like a set of dominoes?") contains...you guessed it...TWENTY-EIGHT dominoes.
It is with all this in mind that Congressman Bartlett and I are co-sponsoring a bill to ban this accursed number from common discourse in these United States of ours. I hope we can all count on your support. Sic semper viginti octo!
"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov
Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."
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