In the dark chasm below, a gross and terrible wyrm made its lair. The dragon Kamikalianz was known in every hill and bower of the ancient and noble land. His cruelty and malevolence was unmatched. Many brave knights had attempted to hack into the ancient beast's thick scales, but it was the monster Kamkialianz itself which hacked right back at any heroes who attempted to vanquish it. Indeed, the monster was known to hack into many a brave knight's favorite devices, just to mess with them.
The white knight, atop his brave Dongo, had faced much such mockery at the hands of Kamikalianz. Indeed, the beast had once pursued him on foot through the woods. The knight had run and run, certain that the monster had been lurking, attempting to assassinate him. That, of course, had turned out to be a paranoid dream, but still.
The real object of the knight's affection, the brave Lady Yulee was now in the grip of the dreaded foe. He placed his hand on the pommel of his sword. Now was not the time for hesitation, or to reflect upon the societal norms of loving a mere teen-aged maiden, some eight years his junior. In fact, in the Middle Ages such pairings were considering quite normal. No, now was the time for action!
"What ho, Dongo!" the knight roared and as one man and mount poured down the side of the chasm, to lock into battle with the beast.
Suddenly the mighty dragon's eye opened.
The knight arrested his charge.
"I...er...um...unhand that virgin, foul wretch!"
The giant dragon yawned loudly, its nostrils as big as a man's head, and stretched its back like some great oversized cat.
"Yo, chica, I think one of your exes is here."
The Lady Yulee stomped out of the dragon's lair, pulling on a few scraps of clothes.
"I thought I told you not to come around, Sir Dumbass," she said, crossing her arms and tapping her feet.
"Yes, well, urm..." the knight mumbled.
"Didn't I even get a royal decree from my uncle, the king, banning you from coming within my sight?"
"Well, yes," the knight muttered, "But you see, I thought that was all just your way of trying to win me back. I'd been reading those messages you'd been sending to the royal court..."
"You've been intercepting my personal correspondence?"
"Well, yes, but I thought you didn't feel safe contacting me directly..."
"Kami, roast this guy," the fair maiden said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder.
And the great monster did. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!