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Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Top 15 Zombie-Killing Catchphrases (Guest Post from Cherokee Hall)

Blaaargh, zombophiles!  It's almost Halloweeeeeeeen and you know what that means:

I've got shit to do.  So here's a guest post.

15 Killer (Ha!) Zombie Extermination Catchphrases
Zombie hunting and killing will be all the rage in the upcoming zombie apocalypse so you better be ready for it!  And by "ready for it" we mean you should have a list of catchphrases planned out ahead of time to say after you've sent those undead bastards back to wherever they came from.  It may mean the difference between coming off looking like a stone cold zombie slayer and a one shot wonder.

We've come up with a list of catchphrases to say after an awesome zombie kill that you can use.  If you use these in the right way at the right time it may result in you becoming the baddest zombie hunter in all the land and earning all the accolades that go with that.  It should at least be worth some extra water or food and most certainly some companionship of the opposite sex...or same sex if you prefer (we don't judge.)

15.  "Humans: 1, Flesh-eating, brain-sucking, mumbling, stumbling, rotting zombies: 0!"

You may want to use this one when there is only one zombie around.  Before you know it you could be surrounded by them while you are halfway through it and then you'll just look like a newb.

14.  "You aren't turning anyone into zombie shit ever again!"

It might be gross and we aren't actually even for sure that zombies have a digestive system or not.  But if they do then that's what is happening to everyone they eat.  (SK: check out my story in AT HELL'S GATES I for a definitive answer on this oft-pondered matter.)

13.  "I love the smell of necrosis in the morning!  Smells like...victory!"

Paraphrased from "Apocalypse Now," this one will fit right in after you and your group battle a horde of zombies and the bodies are piled up knee-high in the wake.

12.  "Got your nose!"

After you've offed the undead reach down and rip his nose off with your finger and thumb and show it to him...then show it to your group for a good laugh.  Or more of the weird looks that they always seem to be giving you.

11.  "Fuck you and the undead horse you rode in on!"

A take on a popular catchphrase that was obviously started by someone who didn't like horses...or maybe they really liked them and was...never mind.  Anyway we don't expect the undead to ride on undead horses so use this one sparingly.

10.  "Looks like you should have had a better HUMAN SURVIVAL GUIDE!"

With the popularity of Max Brook's ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE it would be only fitting for the zombies to have a version of their own.  Maybe Max will write the sequel?

9.  "Tell the devil I said 'send more zombies!'"

We may not be for sure if the zombies go anywhere on death but if they do we are  damn (I meant dang) sure it's not going to be heaven where all the puppy dogs go.  So in that moment before the undead life leaves their rotting corpse see if you can get a message to main man of hell himself.  Mr. Mephistopheles.   If it works though I'd stop asking him to send more.

8.  "Now you see you don't!"

This is a one-in-a-million saying because like Babe Ruth you have to "call your shot".  You have to know before you swing that you are going to cut off their head or it will just come across as silly.  But if you do pull it off your crew will be talking about it for years to come.  Like how some of the old timers today talk about the Babe.

7.  "RIP" or "Rot in Pieces!"

You could use this one multiple times as long as everyone around you knows that it doesn't mean "Rest in Peace" but "Rot in Pieces".  Once they are all clear on that you can drop the explanation and just say RIP.  Feel free to add "bitch" at the end of this one if you want.

6.  "Can a zombie poop itself?  Because this dead one smells like shit."  (SK: see above note)

This one works on so many levels because zombies smell pretty darn bad already.  Make sure no one is taking a drink of water before you say this one because the chance of it coming out of their nose is pretty high and during the apocalypse every drop of water is needed.

5.  "Please someone tell me they took a picture of that!"

If all electricity has already been shut down and no one has a camera then pantomime taking a "selfie" with the corpse.  Then proceed to act like you are doing something else with the phone until someone asks "What are you doing?" to which you will reply "Hold on while I upload it to Deadbook" then sit back and wait for the laughter to die down.

4.  "Ding-dong, the zombie's dead!"

Everyone loves "The Wizard of Oz" so why not pay homage to this classic by dancing around like a member of the Lollipop Guild singing this classic tune?

3.  "Wax on, Wax off, head on, head off!"

Make Mr. Miyagi proud with this nod to "The Karate Kid."  Bonus points if you say this after killing the zombie version of Mr. Miyagi played by the late great actor Pat Morita.

2.  "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself!"

Once the crew has given you one too many "what's the deal with this guy?" looks it's time to take it up a notch.  On the next zombie kill immediately cut one of its arms off and start smacking it in the face with it while saying this catchphrase.  That should let the team know that all is good with you and they can rest easy knowing you are with them.

1.  "I'm sure you were an asshole when you were alive too."

Because more than likely they were.  Channel your inner rage for assholes on this kill, too.  Think of all the people that don't use turn signals, chew with their mouths open, take the last slice of pizza without asking, cut you off in traffic, take up two parking spaces, "friends" who borrow stuff and never return them! AHHHHH!

About Cherokee Hall:

Cherokee Hall is one of the people that runs one of the top blogs about zombies at Escape From Zombies.   He has always had a somewhat unhealthy interest in zombies and the eventual and upcoming zombie apocalypse.  He also enjoy writing and film making but those are on a more healthy level.  You can usually catch him watching zombie movies and telling everyone that will listen how he could have made it better if he had the same budget.  I mean seriously this guy won't shut up about getting a bigger budget some times.

You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and his blog.

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