INT. THE ZOMBIE HOUSEHOLD - DAYBREAK
(JESSE, MARY, ANNE, H.P., BABY, EDGAR)
JESSE SQUEEZES OUT OF ANNE'S GRASP AND RUNS LIKE A MADMAN.
ANNE
Jesse, wait! You don't understand!
JESSE MAKES A MAD DASH FOR THE BACK DOOR. H.P. IS THERE, STILL DRESSED AS A SPACEMAN. HE POINTS HIS GUN AT JESSE.
H.P.
Die, living boy!
JESSE NEARLY FALLS OVER HIMSELF AS HE TURNS AROUND AND RUNS BACK AND DIVES BETWEEN ANNE'S LEGS AS SHE TRIES TO SNATCH HIM UP, THEN TOWARDS THE FRONT DOOR. AT THAT MOMENT EDGAR WALKS IN.
EDGAR
Honey, I'm home.
JESSE TRIES TO RUN PAST EDGAR, BUT ED SNATCHES THE BOY UP WITH ONE ARM.
EDGAR
What's this, dinner? Honey, you'd better call the medical school and tell them this cadaver isn't done yet.
JESSE WRIGGLES OUT OF ED'S GRASP AND RUNS UP THE STAIRS. HE SEES MARY COMING OUT OF HER ROOM.
MARY
Jesse?
JESSE
Stay away, you monster!
MARY
Wait, I'm not a monster! You don't understand.
JESSE DUCKS INTO THE BABY'S ROOM AND CLOSES THE DOOR. HE SEES THE CRIB.
JESSE
Oh, God! They eat babies. Come on, little guy.
JESSE REACHES IN AND GRABS THE BABY. HE MAKES FOR THE WINDOW AND LOOKS OUT. THE GROUND IS A DAUNTING DISTANCE AWAY.
JESSE
I don't know, little guy. Do you think you can bounce?
JESSE LOOKS FOR THE FIRST TIME AT THE BABY. IT IS SUCKLING ON A PACIFIER. IT TAKES OUT THE PACIFIER AND BEARS ITS TEETH. HE DROPS THE BABY AND GRABS A CHAIR TO FEND OFF THE BABY LIKE A LION TAMER. SUDDENLY, THE ZOMBIES BEGIN BANGING ON THE DOOR. JESSE STOPS "TAMING" THE BABY LONG ENOUGH TO YELL AT THEM.
JESSE
Stay away! You won't eat me!
DURING THE BRIEF INTERVAL THE BABY KNOCKS JESSE OVER. THE BABY BEGINS TO CRAWL UP JESSE'S BODY TOWARDS HIS HEAD. THE DOOR BREAKS IN AND THE ZOMBIES STAGGER INWARDS. JESSE BEGINS SCREAMING AND SCREAMING. SUDDENLY THE BABY STOPS CRAWLING AND RESTS HER HEAD ON HIS CHEST AND SUCKS ITS THUMB.
MARY
You can hold her for a little while if you want. She seems to like you.
SLOWLY, JESSE STANDS UP, HOLDING THE BABY AT FIRST GINGERLY, AND THEN TENDERLY.
JESSE
What's going on?
ANNE
If you're done running all over our house you can come downstairs and we'll talk. I think I have some tea somewhere.
ANNE WALKS OUT.
H.P.
So this is a real human, huh? Can we eat him? I'll bet they're better fresh.
EDGAR
H.P.! Come on!
EDGAR GRABS HIS SON AND DRAGS HIM OUT OF THE ROOM. JESSE LOOKS UP AT MARY.
MARY
You shouldn't have been looking at me through the window.
JESSE
Why, because I'd discover your secret?
MARY
Because it's not polite! But now that you know, I guess we'd better tell you everything. Come on. Since the baby's taken a shine to you, you can bring her.
THEY WALK DOWN THE STAIRS AND INTO THE KITCHEN. THEY SIT DOWN.
JESSE
I just don't understand. Why are you guys here?
EDGAR
(sighing)
Jesse, none of us look quite right. We have to go out after dark so no one freaks out. Except for Mary. Mary is what we call "passing" - she can pass for human. We came here so she could have a chance at a normal life, going to school and everything else that an ordinary girl would do. We hope to build a life here.
JESSE
I'm sorry. I...I misjudged you all.
ANNE POURS JESSE SOME TEA.
ANNE
I hope it's all right. I'm not used to making living food.
JESSE
So you guys really...eat people?
H.P.
Well you eat cow.
EDGAR
We don't kill anyone. Not anymore. We get all our food from the medical college. Perfectly legit, I promise.
JESSE
So you used to kill people?
MARY
Jesse, you have to understand, that wasn't us. We were under the control of this evil magician called a Bokor...
JESSE
Bo?
ANNE
You know him?
JESSE
He...he's here. With our sheriff. I...I told him about you.
EDGAR STANDS UP.
EDGAR
We have to go. We have to leave. It's not safe for us in Willberry anymore.
JESSE
Wait, no, wait, don't go. This is my fault. Let me make it better. I feel bad. You guys aren't bad people, you're just...
ANNE
Dead?
JESSE
Yeah. Listen, I can convince everyone in town that you're normal people.
EDGAR
That'll be helpful. "Hey, did you know the Zombies are perfectly ordinary people?"
JESSE
That's not what I meant. I mean, I can help protect your secret. I mean, I already know about you. If you go somewhere else, you'll have to start all over, and you'll have no one to trust. Here I can help you fight Bo and Bullet and I can keep the neighbors from going all village mob on you. And Mary can have her chance at being normal.
ANNE AND EDGAR LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
ANNE
Ok, Jesse. We'll put our trust in you.
JESSE
Great. I promise I won't let you guys down. First step to being an ordinary family...barbecue.
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