What the Hell am I Even Doing Here?

Sometimes I feel like I'm flailing.  I'm not even going to lie.  You all know me to some extent.  You know I'm not usually the type to gush.  I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.  I generally don't let my emotions out at all, except to rage against some stupidity.  Maybe that's because I think that's the only thing the internet is interested in.

I find myself approaching a point of exhaustion.  Maybe exhaustion isn't the right word.  Maybe it's just disappointment.  I know it's wrong to worry about people like Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber becoming insta-celebrities (just add YouTube!)  It's not worth my time to focus on the times when lightning strikes, because that belies all the times that years and years of hard work went into someone "breaking out." 

Remember the band who did "Stacy's Mom?"  Yeah, I know, that's sad, I can't even think of their name now.  But I do remember a tale about them.  They won "Best New Artist" or some such award, which was ironic because they had been playing together for years and had released multiple albums.  What the industry was saying was, "Fuck you, that time before you were popular doesn't count."  And then they went on to be a one-hit wonder.  Maybe that just says it all.

So here I am.  In that period of doing all the work.  Do you know I've kept this blog for six years?  I don't think anybody reads it.  This is the kind of thing that people give up usually after the first post.  Seriously.  I've watched friends of mine, lots of them, start a blog with all kinds of good intentions, post once, and then disappear.  Supposedly most blogs never make it to six months.  Here I am at twelve times that mark.  Hooray!

And I was sitting here today, thinking about what to do.  I've done interviews here before.  I've done them straight, I've done them wacky.  I've done guest posts.  I've done videos.  I've done pictures.  I've done excerpts from my work.  I've posted whole works.  Novels.  Screenplays.  Short stories.  You would think after 6 years of doing this shit, something would have gone viral, right?  That's what initially made me worry about the Rebecca Blacks and Chocolate Rains of the world.  I keep thinking, "Hold on, wait for the wheel, you never know when you're going to blow up."  And then I never do.  I haven't sold a book in months.  I don't know what the point of continuing is sometimes.

But I don't think I'll stop.  Despite my April Fool's Day prank (you did realize that was just a prank, right?) I don't think I'll be giving up the ghost anytime soon.  The weird thing is, you go through these doldrums, and then all you need is one little thing, a nice review, maybe, or a sale, or a kind word, even, and then you're juiced and your back.  I just wasn't feeling it today when I sat down to write this post.  So, here, you all get a doldrum post.  Knowing my luck, this will be the one that goes viral.