A Fistful of Zombies 17

***Just so nobody's caught flat-footed, I'm considered a prolonged hiatus at the end of A Fistful of Zombies. I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel already - this blog has long since exceeded what I ever would have dreamt of as its natural lifespan. I thought cutting back from daily posts to three days a week would alleviate the problem, but that can only do so much. In addition to reaching down into the dregs - although I am considering putting together a project tentatively called Gammala, which might be more worthy than anything else to go on this blog - I'm also putting together a secret project between now and November. A podcast and another blog. Completely different from the tone of this one. So I think at a minimum I'll have to be off the air between now and November - which is, as you know, National Novel Writing Month, so that's kind of another dead zone there. Hey, who knows, maybe three months of silence will send demand for updates skyrocketing, like it did with Maddox! Or maybe it'll kill the show, like it did with Life on Mars. Either way, look for big changes in the future, but, don't worry, we'll finish Fistful - such as it is - before any of that happens.***

The graveyard. A zombie vulture is perched on a tree. It flaps its skeletal wings. The church doors open and the gang steps out. They are arranged like a mass processional. Bernardo is out front, holding a silver cross out trepidaciously. Behind him come Miguel and Denver. Denver is holding a salt shaker and his gun. Miguel has a rosary wrapped around his gun. Chapelle is holding a torch. Taylor is carrying a gilded bible, and behind him comes Vazquez, unarmed, but in his most formal vestments and carrying a plate of wafers and a chalice of wine. The zombies begin to stagger towards them.

VAZQUEZ
Here, here, open it boy.

TAYLOR
I don’t know, reverend…

VAZQUEZ
It’s father. And just trust in the Lord. Hold the book open.

Taylor holds the book open for Vazquez. Vazquez begins saying the communion.

DENVER
Let’s go!

Denver shoots a zombie and then sprays salt in its face. The zombie falls over dead, his face bubbling like a slug.

DENVER
Salt works.

MIGUEL
In the name of the Father…

Miguel shoots one of the zombies and it dies.

MIGUEL
And of the Son…

Miguel shoots another zombie and it dies.

MIGUEL
And the Holy Spirit!

Miguel shoots a third zombie and it falls. Miguel holds up the rosary he had wrapped around his pistol.

MIGUEL
So do holy objects.

Bernardo presses his crucifix to the forehead of a zombie. The zombie falls down, with the form of the crucifix burned into its forehead. Chapelle strikes a zombie with his torch.

CHAPELLE
Oh. Terribly sorry.

Chapelle lights the zombie’s rags on fire. The flaming zombie staggers away, and lights a few other zombies in his wild flailing.

CHAPELLE
Got a light? (chuckles) Hey, I lit this zombie on fire, and then I asked him if he had a light? You see, as though I wanted him to light to my cigarette, but really he was on fire.

MIGUEL
I’m going to shoot him.

DENVER
Don’t. Not yet, anyway.

A zombie staggers towards Taylor and Vazquez. Vazquez is still saying communion. Taylor starts to panic.

VAZQUEZ
Be firm, my son.

Vazquez continues. Taylor continues shaking, but does not run. Chapelle is still burning zombies. Some of them stagger through the doors of the church, and the church lights on fire.

CHAPELLE
Oh no…no, no!

Chapelle drops his torch and runs inside to try to stamp out the fire. Miguel is firing two fisted, with a rosary wrapped around each pistol. He seems to be enjoying himself, and going a little nuts.

MIGUEL
Go to Hell you undead motherfuckers!

Even Denver is feeling a little better.

DENVER (jovially)
Language.

Denver sprays some salt on a zombie that was about to eat Miguel.

MIGUEL
Thanks, gringo.

Miguel shoots at Denver. He wasn’t actually shooting at Denver, but at a zombie right behind him that was just about to eat him.

MIGUEL
Now we’re even.

Suddenly a zombie grabs Miguel’s shoulder. Miguel turns and tries to shoot, but he is out of bullets. He takes one of the rosaries and jams it into the zombie’s mouth. The zombie turns, staggers away, and explodes into flames. Miguel holds up his rosary and begins singing “Ave Maria” and the zombies begin to run away from him. The zombies are about to eat Taylor and Vazquez. Vazquez has finished the mass.

VAZQUEZ
In nomine Patre et fili et spiritus sanctis! We’re done, boy.

Taylor slams the book closed and holds it up to the nearest zombie, which staggers away. Vazquez sprays wine on the zombies and they begin to die. He presses a communion wafer into the mouth of one of the zombies and it dies.

VAZQUEZ
The power of Christ destroys your evil!

Denver shakes his salt shaker at a zombie, but he is out of salt. Miguel helps him by putting his rosary around the zombie’s neck. The zombie dies. Taylor looks around. All of the zombies are scattered around, and destroyed.

TAYLOR
Where’s the Bokor? We didn’t get the Bokor.

Suddenly, a huge flame burst out of the church. The church is really burning down now. Chapelle staggers out, covered with soot and coughing. He collapses into Vazquez’s arms.

CHAPELLE
I’m sorry, father. I tried to stop the fire.

VAZQUEZ
It’s not your fault, my son.

Vazquez helps Chapelle to the ground.

BERNARDO
What do we do now?

TAYLOR
I think if we kill the Bokor, all the zombies will disappear.

DENVER
So, what? You want to go hunting for that Bokor? With what? There’s no kerosene. I’m out of salt.

MIGUEL
And we don’t have any more holy objects. The church is gone.

DENVER
We have only one chance. We have to get to one of the armies. Maybe an army could hunt down that Bokor, but not us.

MIGUEL
Ok, fine. We go to the armies. But how we going to get there? We got nothing to defend ourselves with.

VAZQUEZ
I have an idea. We can make your weapons holy.

CHAPELLE
“Iustum enim est bellum quibus necessarium, et pia arma ubi nulla nisi in armis spes est.”

DENVER
What?

VAZQUEZ
“Because a necessary war is a just war and where there is hope only in arms, those arms are holy.”

CHAPELLE
Livy.

Chapelle sits up.

VAZQUEZ
Normally, I could not in good conscience bless a weapon. But I think God will make an exception in this case.