EXT – WOODS
(SARIA, PEASANTS, FREAK, NOBLE, JIMMY)
THE FREAK IS UNTIED AND IS SHAKING HANDS WITH THE PEASANTS.
Well, thank goodness we straightened this whole mess out offscreen.
Yes, otherwise there might have been pages and pages of pointless dialogue and sermonizing.
Oh, there you go getting all meta again. I mean is this supposed to be really a movie sendup or is supposed to be a satire of sendups, or what?
You know what? Don’t think about it. That’s the best way to enjoy these sorts of movies. I mean situations.
So, to summarize what we all already know, you, freak, promise not to terrorize anyone anymore.
THE FREAK SHRUGS. THE PEASANTS LAUGH AND HEARTILY CLAP HIM ON THE BACK.
And in return the angry mob will turn it’s attentions to other freaks that you point out for it.
JIMMY AND THE NOBLE STUMBLE BELATEDLY ONTO THE SCENE.
Don’t worry, Saria, I’ll save you!
JIMMY SLUGS THE FREAK WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER. THE FREAK ROARS ANGRILY.
Now, now, temper temper. You have to learn to accept people, not just react with violence.
THE FREAK GLARES ANGRILY AT BOTH SARIA AND JIMMY, BUT IT IS COWED FOR NOW.
What’s going on?
Clearly the woman used her diplomatic skills to broker an agreement, thus proving that women are not helpless, etc. etc. It’s all a very great morality play. Now can you two just kiss and we can end this travesty. It’s already taken over a decade to write.
A decade? That can’t be right.
Well, it was started a decade ago. Then it sat on a shelf for a while. But, you know, the principle is the same.
Now even you’re getting meta when you were denouncing it earlier.
And how could you have known that…unless you were getting meta yourself.
Damn. Got me there.
Now, can we get to the kissing? It’s always got to be the last scene.
JIMMY PUCKERS UP AND CLOSES HIS EYES.
Kiss him? Are you serious? I’ve got a hot date tonight with Algore.
SARIA WALKS AWAY.
Damn. Shot down for a hunchback.