SCENE 41
EXT – TOWN
(ALL)
SARIA TROMPS INTO TOWN. SHE WALKS BY THE BLACKSMITH’S SHOP.
BLACKSMITH
Now you two stand there and you count those hammers until you’ve paid off your debt to me.
ZORBON
Two! There are two hammers!
BLACKSMITH
All right. Now do that 24 million more times.
ZANDAR
Eh. It’s a living.
BORIS SKITTERS BY OUTSIDE.
BORIS
Boris is small again!
JIMMY SMASHES BORIS WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER AS HE WALKS INTO TOWN. HE HANDS THE SLEDGEHAMMER AND THE METAL MASK TO THE BLACKSMITH AS HE WALKS BY.
JIMMY
Thanks for the loaner.
BLACKSMITH
Anything for the Earl of Warren.
JIMMY
Yeah, about that…eh, nevermind.
SARIA RUNS UP TO ALGORE AND HUGS HIM.
SARIA
Oh, Algore I was afraid we would never get to go on our date, which, as you’ll recall, is the reason I came here in the first place.
ALGORE
Yes, of course, how could I forget a plot point like that.
PEASANT #3
God-damned metahumor.
NOBLE
I mean, it’s not even clever anymore. It’s been done to death.
PEASANT #3
That’s what I’m saying.
ALGORE
Well, shall we go?
SARIA
Of course.
ALGORE AND SARIA START TO WALK OFF.
FRANCOPHILE
Wait a minute.
SARIA AND ALGORE TURN BACK.
FRANCOPHILE
Algore, I…I know I can be cruel to you sometimes. Call you names. Draw crude images on your hump while you’re sleeping. Send you on errands that you have no way of completing…
ALGORE
I get it, sir, you’re quite an awful master.
FRANCOPHILE
But…these past few days I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to create a hideous freak to become a true mad scientist. The truth is…I’ve had a hideous freak by my side all along. Algore…you complete me.
ALGORE
I love you, master!
FRANCOPHILE
I…also…you…affection.
ALGORE AND FRANCOPHILE EMBRACE. ALGORE PICKS FRANCOPHILE UP AND THEY WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET. SARIA TURNS AND LOOKS BACK AT THE ASSEMBLED CROWD.
SARIA
Well, anybody want to go on a date?
SUDDENLY, JEFFREY MANSON GACY EXPLODES OUT OF THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO. HE RUSHES TOWARDS SARIA WITH HIS KNIFE. THE HIDEOUS FREAK LEAPS INTO ACTION AND WRESTLES GACY TO THE GROUND BEFORE RIPPING OUT HIS SPINE.
SARIA
Oh, aren’t you a sweet monster? How would you like to go out?
THE FREAK LOOKS DISGUSTED AND SHAKES IT’S HEAD. IT WALKS UP TO THE NOBLE. THE FREAK GRABS THE NOBLE AND WALKS OFF INTO THE SUNSET JUST LIKE ALGORE AND FRANCOPHILE DID.
SARIA
It seems like there’s someone for everyone. Sigh.
PEASANT #3
Did she just say “sigh?” Did she meant to actually just sigh?
JIMMY
Shut up you idiots and clear out of here.
PEASANT #1
Yeah, good point, maybe we’d better clear out of our own town. Come on, everybody, some stranger is telling us to leave our ancestral homes. Better hop to out.
JIMMY
Well, will you just go home, then? I’m trying to score here.
PEASANT #2
Ah, say no more, say no more.
THE CROWD DISPERSES. JIMMY TURNS TO SARIA AT LONG LAST.
JIMMY
Well, how about it? Would you care to go out with me as a last resort?
SARIA
No, not especially.
SARIA STARTS TO WALK OFF. THE HOBO WALKS UP TO JIMMY.
HOBO
Well, I’ll go out with you, son. Alls I needs is a place to put my bindle.
JIMMY LOOKS AROUND, PONDERING.
JIMMY
Eh, what the hell.
THE HOBO KISSES JIMMY ON THE CHEEK AND THEY WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER. IN THE DISTANCE THE SILHOUETTES OF THE OTHER TWO “LOVELY COUPLES” CAN BE SEEN.
THE END???
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