Manuscripts Burn


MANUSCRIPTS BURN

"Manuscripts don't burn"
- Mikhail Bulgakov

Hi, I'm horror and science fiction author Steve Kozeniewski (pronounced: "causin' ooze key.") Welcome to my blog! You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, and Amazon. You can e-mail me here, join my mailing list here, or request an e-autograph here. Free on this site you can listen to me recite one of my own short works, "The Thing Under the Bed."

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Terrifying Revenge of the B-Movie!!!: Scene 5

SCENE 5

INT – FRANCOPHILE PARLOR
(ALGORE, JIMMY)

ALGORE RUNS OFF THROUGH THE CASTLE DOWN TO THE VERY LARGE DOOR AND OPENS IT DRAMATICALLY. STANDING THERE IS JIMMY, WITH THE CAR RUG DRAPED AROUND HIS NECK LIKE A CAPE AND A GLASS CIRCLE IN HIS EYE LIKE A MONOCLE. HE IS POSING (EXTREMLEY POORLY) AS AN ENGLISH NOBLE.

ALGORE

Yes?

JIMMY
(in a hesitant, faux British accent)

Hello. I am Jim...er, rather, James, the...Earl of, uh, Warren.

ALGORE

The Earl of Warren? At my master's very door! Fantastic! What can I do for you, Earl?

JIMMY

Yes, well, I am not here for pleasure. In fact, I am here as a sort of menial job. I need to...inspect all the screwdrivers in the land.

ALGORE

Screwdriver? Oh, yes!

ALGORE REACHES INTO A FLOWERPOT AND PULLS OUT A SCREWDRIVER. HE HANDS IT TO JIMMY.

ALGORE

There you are, oh venerable Earl of Warren. Will that be all?

JIMMY

Ah, no, I will also require the use of your rest facilities.

ALGORE

Oh, we haven't got any of those. We're a clean house here.

JIMMY

Er, no, that is, I mean, a bathroom.

ALGORE

I apologize, Earl, but I don't understand your high English. I am just a lowly hunchback.

JIMMY STARES AT ALGORE’S BACK, NOTING BOTH HUMPS.

JIMMY
(regular voice)

Quasimodo! I didn't know it was you! Amazing! What made you leave Notre Dame?

ALGORE

I'm not Quasimodo.

JIMMY

It's all right, Quasimodo. I won't tell anyone. You know, I went to Notre Dame. Just tell me where your bathroom is.

ALGORE

Bath…room? Oh, you mean the pisser. It's in that general direction.

ALGORE POINTS IN A GENERAL DIRECTION. JIMMY SHAKES HIS HAND.

JIMMY

Thanks, Quasimodo!

ALGORE

You can let yourself out.

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