INT – BLACKSMITH SHOP
(BLACKSMITH, ZORBON, ZANDAR)
THE BLACKSMITH HAS HIS BACK TO THE WHOLE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO AND HIS STOREFRONT. HE IS COUNTING HIS HAMMERS. SINCE HE HAS GIVEN ONE TO JIMMY HE NOW ONLY HAS TWO.
BLACKSMITH
One. Two. Two hammers. Ah ah ah.
ZORBON AND ZANDAR, DAZED AND BLEEDING SLIGHTLY, EMERGE FROM THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO.
ZORBON
(to Zandar, whispering through his teeth)
Play it cool.
(to Blacksmith)
I say there, local proprietor and fellow human, could we have your assistance?
BLACKSMITH
With what?
ZORBON
We need to get our, um…boat…repaired. Are you familiar with quantum mechanics?
BLACKSMITH
No.
ZANDAR
What about temporal hyperspace relay theory?
BLACKSMITH
Well, I can fix a boat.
ZORBON
Good enough. And for your wages we offer 8 million quatloos.
BLACKSMITH
What?
ZORBON
I mean…dollars. 8 million dollars.
BLACKSMITH
For your boat?
ZANDAR
Too little? Triple it.
BLACKSMITH
24 million dollars. Okay.
ZORBON
It seems we have a concordance! Simply hold out your digital currency imprint and we shall transfer the funds to your galacto-account. Sorry, of course I mean, your Earth account.
BLACKSMITH
Uh, look, guys, cash only.
ZANDAR
Oh, well, uh…we’re good for it.
BLACKSMITH
Fair enough. I’ll get to work.
THE BLACKSMITH WALKS INTO THE WRECKAGE OF THE UFO AND STARTS TO FIX IT. ZORBON TURNS TO ZANDAR.
ZORBON
Now to deal with that spider monster. You know what we have to do.
ZANDAR
Yes!
ZORBON
Release…Gavordt!
ZANDAR
Yes! Wait…what?
ZORBON
Release…Gavordt!
ZANDAR
That’s that monster thing we found.
ZORBON
Yes, I know.
ZANDAR
Don’t you know what would happen if we released that?
ZORBON
Yes, it would kill things. Including the giant tarantula.
ZANDAR
Yes. And then we’d have to answer to the ACLU. And I don’t think anyone wants the ACLU getting any stronger in this country.
ZORBON
That’s true. Very well then. Release Gavordt…on the ACLU!
BLACKSMITH
Isn’t this supposed to be set in Germany?
ZORBON
Get back to work, you.
BLACKSMITH
Yes, sir.
ZANDAR TAKES A SMALL METAL TRASMITTER WITH A SINGLE RED BUTTON OUT OF HIS POCKET. HE PRESSES THE BUTTON.
EXT – BLACKSMITH SHOP AND UFO WRECKAGE – CONTINUOUS
(GAVORDT)
A MASSIVE TRAPDOOR ON THE SIDE OF THE UFO OPENS. GAVORDT, A BIZARRE MASSIVE PURPLE ALIEN EMERGES FROM THE WRECKAGE AND ROARS. IT STEPS OUT. ALVIS AND FRANCOPHILE, MUCH SMALLER, EMERGE FROM THE SAME TRAPDOOR.
FRANCOPHILE
What is that?
ALVIS
Jailhouse rock, baby. Jailhouse rock.
FRANCOPHILE
That’s not even an answer. That doesn’t even make sense!
ALVIS
Thank you. Thank you very much.
FRANCOPHILE
Only you could ruin this for me, Algore. Only you.
ALVIS
Only you…
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