INT- VICTORIAN ERA PARLOR
(NOBLE, FREAK, BORIS, GAVORDT)
NOBLE
Thanks for staying with us. Tonight we’re looking at a true classic from the silent movie era: The Hideous Freak.
FREAK
I’m sorry, did you say silent movie?
NOBLE
Ah, of course I meant black and white.
FREAK
Isn’t the film in color?
NOBLE
Well you say tomato, I say tom-ah-to.
FREAK
I say tom-ah-to.
NOBLE
Tell me, what was it like to work with the master, and by the master I mean the film’s director…
SUDDENLY, BORIS AND GAVORDT SMASH INTO THE PARLOR, BATTLING EPICALLY.
BORIS
Boris kill! Boris eat!
NOBLE
What? No, this doesn’t make any sense. This is supposed to be a framing story. This is all a bit too metafictional and self-referential
BORIS AND GAVORDT ROLL AWAY.
FREAK
Listen, I’ve got to get back to the forest. We’re about to cut back to that whole sidestory, you know.
NOBLE
What? But, no, this isn’t supposed to be happening concurrently. I mean, where’s the script girl on this?
FREAK
They…don’t call them script girls anymore. I pity you.
NOBLE
Well at least I’m not a freak?
FREAK
Aren’t you?
SHAKING HIS HEAD, THE FREAK WALKS OFF. THE NOBLE WANDERS OUT OF THE WRECKED PARLOR. JIMMY COMES STAGGERING TOWARDS HIM. THE NOBLE HOLDS UP HIS HAND.
NOBLE
Look, will you stop?
JIMMY, PANTING HEAVILY, STOPS.
NOBLE
Listen, this toilet is clearly not attached to your foot. Just take off your shoe.
JIMMY
Huh?
JIMMY SLIPS OUT OF HIS SHOE AND THE TOILET REMAINS BEHIND. HE FLIPS HIS MASK UP.
JIMMY
Hey, thanks stranger. Who are you, anyway?
NOBLE
Look, I’m not even supposed to be part of this story. There was a mixup and…
JIMMY
Look, I didn’t ask for your life story. I’m just looking for a woman. Have you seen here?
NOBLE
Yeah, come on, I’ll show you.
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